Primavera

Apparently it's spring now? But there's snow on the ground. In fact, I was pretty certain that today was going to be a snow day. Not exactly the climate that comes to mind when you think "New England spring." Unless it's just me that has this idealized image of lush cherry blossoms and tulips ruffling in the wind.

However, I have realized that the spring season isn't just about the weather. It's about a mindset. This may be because I'm one of those suckers that always gets pulled into the whole "New year, new me!" crap at the start of every year, but I'm realizing that that ideology can be applied to the season of spring as well. "Spring" in Portuguese is primavera, which comes from the Latin primus, meaning "first." But it's more like a second chance.

Spring cleaning is like a less-cliche version of "New year, new me." It makes more physical sense, because since summer is coming, it's nearing the time to open up the windows, air everything out, shake the dust up. But spring cleaning isn't limited to washing the windows and dusting off the ceiling fans. You can clean out your soul too.

We're a lot like flowers, if you think about it. Stick with me here, I know I'm getting a little hippie-dippie. But in the colder months, we bury ourselves under layers. We hide under the bulk. But when spring comes, our little buds start to blossom. Our skin reappears, as we start trading the oversized sweaters for t-shirts, skirts, dresses, shorts. The days are longer, the sun is brighter, we remember how it feels to scrunch our faces up to it and let it warm our backs.

Everything's more open, which gives us more space to think. We can start going on walks to the Esplanade, where we can sit on the dock with our toes curled towards the Charles River. We can shed our layers, not only the ones we wear, but the emotional ones we bear. Those can be just as heavy as an oversized sweater.

This quote comes to mind: “And the day came when the risk to remain closed in a bud became more painful that the risk it took to blossom.” That's what spring means to me. Airing out your emotional layers, doing spring cleaning for your soul. The best thing about the spring mindset is that you can take it on even with this white dust on the ground.

Soundtrack: The First Days of Spring by Noah And The Whale

Stuck in the Suburbs?

If you go to school in the city, like I do, or even if your school life is generally more bustling than your home life, heading to the suburbs for winter break can be tough. I was stir crazy within an hour of arriving home! So if you're anything like me, you'll find this list useful:

Ideas to Beat Winter Break Boredom

• Clean up your digital clutter
• Go through old emails, photos, screenshots, messages, etc. I've had a lot of phone trouble within the last few years, so I was always emailing myself photos and videos that I didn't want to lose when I switched phones. So going through my emails resulted in a 3-hour-long trip down memory lane. It's not only an effective time-killer, but a fulfilling one; I saw photos and videos that I had forgotten about, which reminded me of a lot of little moments in my life that had slipped past my consciousness. Put on your favorite Pandora or Spotify station and give yourself a blast from the past that will also make you feel productive!
• Make something from nothing
• Unleash your inner artist! Channel your boredom into creative energy and make whatever your heart desires. Draw, color, write a song. Dig out your modeling clay and connect with your inner child. Look up origami instructions and fold away. Learn to knit (I watched like, five YouTube tutorials and couldn't figure it out.. but at least that took up a couple of hours of my day). Write a story and illustrate the cover. The sky's the limit when you acknowledge your creativity!
• Get a haircut
• Whether you're feeling daring and want to make a major change, or you just need a trim (they help keep your hair healthy), haircuts are one of those things that are easy to forget about when you're at school. So winter break is a perfect time for them; a few quick snips and you're ready to reinvent yourself in the new year! Just don't EVER try cutting your own hair... When I was younger I was obsessed with going back to school with a 'cool new look,' so I tried many more times than I should have to give myself trims, layers, and even bangs... Embarrassingly, Thanksgiving break my freshman year of college was the most recent time I've done this. Thankfully, I've sworn since then to leave it to the professionals.
• Read a book for... *GASP*... fun
• School gives reading a bad rep. Teachers always seem to doubt that we've actually done the reading they've assigned (and to be fair, they're usually kind of right), and the work they assign to make us prove that we have turns a lot of people off from books. I know people that haven't read a book for pleasure since elementary school. It turns out, though, that reading can have a profound effect on things like how you write and how you view the world. There's no time like winter break, when you don't have homework leering over you, to give reading a chance again.
• Figure yourself out
• At school, life can become a blur of events on your calendar and homework assignments in your planner. When you're jumping from one thing to another, it's difficult to take time to get in touch with your own emotions and desires. Winter break is a great time to think about your goals and feelings- and not in an "oh shit, what am I going to DO with my life?!" way. Ask yourself the types of things you would want to know about someone you're dating: "What is my dream job?", "If I could pick any city in the world to live in, where would it be?", "What's my favorite breed of dog?", "What's my favorite thing about myself?" In fact, it sounds hella cheesy, but this winter break, date yourself. Get in touch with what you need to stay physically and emotionally healthy. 

Of course, winter break is also a time to reunite with your family and home friends, but hopefully this list will help with those windows of time where you have no clue what to do!

Happy Holidays :)

Mariah Carey Would Approve

This post is in defense of all the people who officially acknowledge November 1st as the beginning of the Christmas season. 

It feels a bit odd writing this now, because Boston just so happens to be in the midst of a stretch of pleasant, sunny weather. The view of sunshine outside my dorm window isn't any different than it was in August, when I first got back to school. But judging by all the beanies and red Starbucks cups I pass every day, it is fall, and Halloween has come and gone. For me, that means letting my Christmas spirit out of its tethers. I bought a box of hot chocolate mix at Trader Joe's and made a holiday playlist on Spotify. I rearranged my drawers so that my grandpa sweaters were more easily accessible.

There are always conversations around Halloween in which you discover your friends' opinions about when the Christmas season should begin. There are those, like me, who believe that as soon as the calendars turn to November, it's totally acceptable to have Santa on the brain. Then there are those who wouldn't even speak of the holiday until after Thanksgiving.

My question for the latter camp (of which I probably will never be a part because I'm way too over-eager when it comes to Christmas) is why prolong what is arguably the most cheerful part of the year? For as long as I can remember, Christmas has been a symbol of hope and goodwill for me. It's a religious holiday, but I never cared much about the traditional technicalities; I was more fascinated by what Christmas does to people. It's a time for appreciating the people who love you by giving back to them. For encouraging wonder, imagination, and whimsy in children, and for reminding adults of that whimsy. Everything feels different around Christmas, and though the societal issues that plague our world don't just magically disappear during the holiday season, peaceful solutions feel a little bit  more tangible during this time.

In my opinion, it's crazy not to feel the Christmas magic for as long as you can; why limit the most wonderful time of the year to a single month when you could have two?

So if you're anything like me and you're already thinking about the snow and your tree, check out my Christmas Spotify playlist. Actually, if you appreciate good music in general, it's worth a listen; Fiona Apple, Fleet Foxes, Pentatonix, Sufjan Stevens- how can you go wrong?

https://open.spotify.com/user/124790481/playlist/10H37PjPgFV4qtUKrD6zZn

A Different Kind of Scar

Back in my small hometown, I was known by two key aspects of my reputation: my love of music, and my goody-two-shoes tendencies. So I think that a lot of the people I went to high school with would be quite surprised by the news that two days ago, I got my first tattoo.  They probably wouldn't have thought of me as the type of person to get one (not that you have to be a certain type of person to get tattoos, because stigmas are gross). But the past year has taught me the important lesson that I don't have to be any one type of person in particular. I'm tempted to say a certain acronym about only living once, but instead, I'm going to remind you that life is as fluid as the ink I was tattooed with. We shouldn't let ourselves get tied down by stereotypes, expectations, or reputations. Getting a tattoo was a way for me to honor this lesson and prove to myself that I had truly learned it. I did it for myself. Every time I look down at my wrist, I am reminded of how strong I am, of the courage I am capable of. 

I used to say, "I love how cartilage piercings look, but my pain tolerance is too low to get one." I have one now. I used to say, "I love how tattoos look, but my pain tolerance is too low to get one." I now have one of those, too.  

Even though these may seem like small feats to some people, they're huge steps for me. I've done things I thought I was never capable of doing, and that makes me so proud. And these pride marks on my body are permanent, so I'll never lose sight of them, or of the fact that I am capable of more than I think. The finality of the permanence might scare some people, but it actually comforts me. No matter where I am, emotionally or physically, I will be able to look down at the ink on my wrist and remember to be self-assured and proud of the woman I have become. 

My tattoo is a combination of a semi-colon and a quarter note, a tribute to the words and music that have saved me from my darkest days. Pursuing writing and music have always been my dreams, so this reminds me to never lose sight of that. Semi-colon tattoos also have deeper meanings: as they allow a sentence that could have ended to continue, they represent a life that could have ended, but didn't. Though I have never gotten to the point of contemplating suicide, there was a brief, dark time in my younger life in which I self-harmed. I didn't have it nearly as bad as other kids did, but it left scars on my heart and questions in my mind: how could I do that to myself? Why wasn't I smarter than that? Why didn't I take out my emotions in more constructive ways? I was ashamed for awhile, brushing it off, sort of pretending it never happened. But now, I acknowledge it as just a small part of my story. It's over, I've learned from it, and I use that memory now to fuel positivity in my daily life. I appreciate the fact that I'm a living human being more than ever now, especially now that I'm living out my dreams by going to school in the city.

If you want a tattoo, get one. Life is insanely short, your body is a canvas, and you have the right to mark your pride on it with ink. 

"The Cancer Book"

A couple of months ago, when a friend was trying to remember the title of The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, she described it as “the cancer book.” John Green makes an effort to prove that people are much more than their health, but since most of the main characters have cancer, their disease is the main thing (and sometimes the only thing) that people notice. Why is this the case? Is it possible to write a book about cancer patients that’s not about their cancer? 

Let me just start off by saying that I’m not out to tear John Green to shreds. I genuinely like this book. It’s simple and sweet, leaving you emotional but not overanalyzing everything. It’s exactly what a young adult book should be, because it doesn’t intimidate kids or scare them away from reading for pleasure. 

But it could have been even better.

There are a couple of instances in the novel where you can clearly see Green’s efforts not to make it a “cancer book.” It’s not some melancholy, sappy story about the power of the human spirit, etc. It’s just about young love faced with terrible odds. 
There’s one particularly great piece of dialogue between main characters Hazel and Augustus that shows this effort, when they are first starting to get to know each other:

“‘So what’s your story?’ he asked, sitting down next to me at a safe distance.
‘I already told you my story. I was diagnosed when-‘
‘No, not your cancer story. Your story. Interests, hobbies, passions, weird fetishes, etcetera.’ 
‘Um,’ I said.
‘Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who becomes their disease.’”

This separation of the ‘cancer story’ and the ‘real story’ is a high point in the novel. Here, Green is making the statement that people are more than their health, and that they shouldn’t let disease swallow up their individuality. Hazel is quick to assume that the story of her disease is the most important one she has to tell, but Augustus reminds her that she has so much more to offer- that there’s a lot more to who she is as a person. 

Another part of the novel that tries to send this kind of message is Hazel’s encounter with a little girl in the mall. The child provides an innocent, fresh view of people whose disabilities are physically visible. Instead of making a point to try to ignore Hazel’s oxygen tank and cannula, she is curious and inquisitive, not tiptoeing around her. When the child asks, “What’s in your nose?” Hazel tells her, “it’s called a cannula. These tubes give me oxygen and help me breathe.” 

When the little girl’s mother notices what her daughter is doing, she scolds her, but Hazel assures her that it’s totally fine. Here, Green is highlighting the contrast between the perspectives of the child and the adult. The child has not become limited by social norms yet, so when she sees someone who’s a little different, she’s just curious. She doesn’t try to give her space or shy away from her. However, the mother assumes that Hazel doesn’t want to be bothered- that because she has an ailment, she has to be tense and careful around her. In Hazel’s words, “Any attempts to feign normal social interactions were just depressing because it was so glaringly obvious that everyone I spoke to for the rest of my life would feel awkward and self-conscious around me, except maybe kids like Jackie who just didn’t know any better.” 

However, though there are a couple of great, eye-opening moments like this, a majority of the book provides enough evidence to be correct in calling it “the cancer book.” There are many instances in the book that call attention to the “other-ness” of people suffering from the disease. 

The examples abound. 

When Hazel is a bit snippy with her parents, her mother tells her she’s being “teenagery.” As if that’s something odd and different, when in reality, she is a teenager, so acting like one shouldn’t be anything new. Just because she has cancer it doesn’t mean that everything “teenagery” about her is taken away. She falls into it, though, saying, “I can’t be a regular teenager, because I’m a grenade.” 
Disease is obviously a hardship, and I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be for Hazel to go about living her life with it. But it doesn’t make her an alien. She’s still a teenager.

It’s also hard to say that this book doesn’t call attention to the disease of its main characters when their cancer is responsible for all of the major plot points in the book (besides their falling in love, of course). They meet at a support group for cancer patients. They go to Amsterdam because of the Make-a-Wish foundation. There is conflict with this plan because of Hazel’s cancer. The turning point of the book is arguably when Gus reveals to Hazel that his cancer has returned. The emotional eulogy scene takes place because of Gus’s struggle. So though Green points out how messed up it is that we distance and ostracize people with disease, he is essentially writing a cancer book, because practically all of the book’s plot would not be possible if its main characters didn’t have the disease. 

But it’s kind of unfair to expect anything different. If the plot didn’t call attention to the ailments of its main characters, it would probably be just another young adult love story. It wouldn’t have stood out as much. 

It would be unfair for authors to never include ill characters in their stories, so I can’t deny how cool it is that cancer patients are getting this representation through Green’s book. After all, he doesn’t give cancer any sort of negative stigma; his cancer-ridden characters are smart, witty, charming, and compassionate. But on the other hand, it’s also unfair that a book about cancer patients has to call so much attention to their disease. You can’t really say that these kids live “normal” lives; they struggle to walk up stairs and do normal “teenagery” things like go to parties and hang out with groups of friends. Not to mention the more dramatic things, like the facts that they are treated to a trip to Amsterdam and that they have to worry about how much time they have left. Cancer is inevitably going to play a huge role in the lives it touches, but making it such a strong, controlling force, almost a third main character that’s always being acknowledged, seems like too much.

However, John Green obviously had good intentions, and he wasn’t trying to ostracize cancer patients. In fact, he calls society out on its “othering” of people who are different than them, so hopefully people can learn something positive from this book. It’s not perfect, but it’s a step in the right direction towards an open dialogue about disease. Hazel and Augustus may be physically fragile, but Green shows that there’s nothing fragile about their hearts, wit, or intelligence. Despite their physical weakness, they’re strong people. Perhaps that strength, not the weakness, is what we should be focusing on in this novel. 

Soundtrack: The Fault In Our Stars: Music from the Motion Picture

Natural Makeup Tutorial

You probably can't tell from this picture, but I 

got about 5 hours of sleep last night.

 I've been watching a lot of Zoella's videos on YouTube and it's led 

to an increased appreciation for makeup! People like to criticize 

girls (and boys) who wear it, saying that they shouldn't have to put 

on a mask every day. While this is true in theory, that's not 

necessarily what makeup is. It's a really cool tool that allows us to

express who we are outwardly. So anyway, I figured I'd do something

a little different and show you how to get a really easy, simple

natural look that is perfect for everyday and makes you look 

awake even when you're exhausted!

Phase 1: Face Prep

 

     Since this look is really natural, you need to start with a smooth base. Make sure you've washed 

your face (you never know what can build up on it). 

     Start with a thin layer of moisturizer to make your face soft and smooth. I use Eucerin Daily Protection- it's lightweight, fragrance free, and has sunscreen in it as well (not that it matters much right now, sadly). 

     Next, just because this look is dependent on clear, even skin, use a light layer of foundation to even out any unevenly colored spots and smooth over imperfections. Again, this should be light- a little foundation goes a long way. I use Maybelline Dream Liquid Mousse in Medium Sandy Beige. What makes the biggest difference for me, though, is not the foundation itself but my blending tool. I got mine at Ulta a couple of years ago and it's never failed me! The tip allows you to get into important creases like the sides of your nose. Make sure you blend your foundation really well, even going down under your chin to make sure you don't have a very obvious line of separation! 

     The next step is to use concealer to cover up any remaining imperfections and blemishes. It's especially important to use concealer under your eyes, as part of this look is how refreshed and awake you'll look with it on. I use Boing from Benefit in 01, and I absolutely love it. It's a bit more expensive than drugstore concealer, but I definitely think it's worth it.

     The last step of this phase is to dab a little bit of powder over your face to set your makeup and reduce oily shine. Concentrate on whatever areas you find most oily (they tend to be your T-zone and forehead!), but don't go too crazy- you don't want to look ghostly! I use Covergirl truBlend in translucent fair. 

Phase 2 : Blush/Bronzer

     You could honestly group this in with Phase 1 if you wanted to, but I've decided to make this step its own phase. I strongly recommend this blush/bronzer combination for people who always find themselves rushing in the mornings. One swipe of the brush will get you both the pink tones of blush and the tanner tones of bronzer. It even acts as a bit of a highlighter with more translucent shades as well. Don't go too crazy with this; since this is a natural look, you mainly just want to highlight the existing tones and contours of your face. So give the mirror a grin and lightly shade the apples of your cheeks, making sure to blend into your hairline near your cheekbones so you don't just look like you have two polka dots on your cheeks! I use Maybelline Master Hi-Light highlighting bronzer in Deep Bronze!

Phase 3: Eyes

     The main focus of this phase is to make your eyes look lifted and awake, regardless of how tired you are! No matter what look I'm going for, I always use my Urban Decay Naked 1 palette for eyeshadow and Benefit's They're Real! mascara for my lashes. 

     

     In general, this eyeshadow look is light with a little but of sparkle. You want to illuminate your eyes so that you look refreshed and awake (even if you stayed up until 3 am last night). I like to use Virgin on my brow bones (right under your eyebrows), using the fluffier side of the brush (I'm just using the one that comes with the Naked palette) to apply it. Then, with the same side of the brush, I use Sidecar all over my lids. This shadow is very densely pigmented, so a little goes a long way. Next, using the thinner side of the brush, I use Hustle in my creases, being careful to blend the shadow all around to avoid looking striped. The last shade I use is probably the most important, because it adds a lot of light to your eyes.  Using the thin side of the brush again, I put Half Baked in my inner creases, then I line my bottom lash line with it. This step really makes all the difference, especially the second half of it- the gold on your bottom lash line really lifts your whole eye up and makes you look more perky and awake. 

Phase 4: Lips

     The last step is really small, but also really important. Shiny lips make this look a little more glowy, and though I really love bold lipsticks and glosses, they don't belong in this natural look. Lush's Whip Stick Lip Balm is absolutely perfect. It's shiny, hydrating, and enhances the lip color you already have! It's also vegetarian, so it's natural, organic, and cruelty-free. 

So there you go! A quick and easy makeup tutorial that enhances your natural beauty and makes you look awake and refreshed. I know this might be a little unexpected, since this isn't the sort of thing I normally write, but I hope you enjoyed it and found it helpful! Let me know if you try out any of my recommendations, and whether or not I should do more things like this in the future! :)

Soundtrack: Vampire Weekend- Contra

"On My Way" Playlist

I've been listening to a lot of really awesome music lately, so I just wanted to share it with you guys! My inspiration for this playlist is the train/plane/car ride back to school after winter break (for us college kids, at least). I can't be the only one who likes to look out the window and pretend I'm a character in a movie or book, gearing up to begin a new chapter in my life. This playlist is a bit of a hodgepodge in itself, but that just goes with the overall theme of this blog! So without further ado...

"On My Way" Playlist

• "On My Way" by Passion Pit
• As you can probably tell, this song is what gave this playlist its name. It took me awhile to get into Passion Pit, because their song "Sleepyhead" is a bit off-putting. But once I looked into their other stuff, especially the album "Gossamer," I realized that they're actually much more uplifting than I thought. This song just makes me happy, and it doesn't take itself too seriously, so it's not too heavy. 
• "Stolen Dance" by Milky Chance
• I think it might be on the radio now, but I heard this song for the first time at the end of a YouTube video! It's simple and easygoing, with a bit of a haunting element that makes it more intriguing. I can't help but move to the beat when I hear it, and it's the kind of song that you'll want to listen to a few times because of how interesting the melodies are. 
• "The Moon Song" by Karen O and Ezra Koenig
• I love how simple and calming this song is. The instrumentation is quiet and faded in the background, calling attention to the soft, pretty sound of the two vocalists. There's definitely a lullaby aspect to this song, so it'll make you forget about all your worries for a couple of minutes, putting you at ease.
• "Wait" by M83
• This song makes you feel something. I can't describe what it is, but it just stops me in my tracks and pulls at my core. I've spent hours listening to this song on repeat, and its impact on me still hasn't decreased. Sometimes you just want a song not to dance or sing to, but to think to. My apologies for being so overdramatic, but this song is perfect to play in the background if you just want to think about your place in the world, where you're heading and what you want your life to amount to. My main complaint about mainstream pop music used to be that it didn't use enough real instruments, but now it's just that most of it doesn't make you feel anything. This song does, which makes it really special.
• "Just Like the Sea" by PigPen Theatre Co.
• My friends at school were lucky enough to see these guys live, and I'm grateful to them for introducing me to their music. It's whimsical and theatric, bringing out your childlike wonder, reminding you of how amazingly huge the world used to look from your young eyes. It's basically a theatrical folk song, telling a story. 
• "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" by Vampire Weekend
• The main, repeating riff of this song is so catchy, and I can never help but to dance to it. It's great to have songs that are introspective, making you think, but it's equally great to have songs that are just fun. I dare you to sit still while listening to this. 
• "Vagabond" by Wolfmother
• I'm not going to pretend that I'm cool enough to not have gotten this song from 500 Days of Summer. Who can forget the tennis ball scene, where Tom bounces it in synchronization with this song? If my life was a movie, I'd want this song to play while I was driving in the car, looking hopefully out the window. For some reason, this song speaks to me, saying something along the lines of, "You don't have to have everything figured out right now. Just live your life," which is an extremely valuable message. 
• "Rivers and Roads" by The Head and the Heart
• This song is definitely more serious than some of the others, but "serious" doesn't have to mean "boring," or "sad." I am forever indebted to my friend for introducing to this band. There are a couple of bands on this playlist, I'll admit, that I don't know or like any other songs from (for example, though I'm obsessed with "Wait," it's the only song I like by M83). But The Head and the Heart are consistently great, and everything they've released is worth checking out. Anyway, this song would be especially fitting for the journey back to school, because it's literally about traveling.
• "Shadow Of a Man" by Neulore
• I'm pretty sure I heard this song for the first time in a commercial for a show on TLC. If I remember correctly, it was for the show Breaking Amish. I just find it kind of funny that I got a really good song from a commercial for a show about Amish people questioning their faith. Anyway, this song is great, and puts some things into perspective. I particularly like the verse, "I still remember your innocence/ Oh the days when your heart was in it/ Oh but now you're like the falling sun/ And the race to death has just begun." It makes me think of adults stuck in boring, monotonous desk jobs that don't make them feel anything. It reminds me that I'm still young, that I still have some of that childlike innocence and vigor, and I still have time to follow my dreams; I'm not stuck in that 'race to death' yet.
• "Needle" by Born Ruffians
• This song somehow manages to be dramatic and funky, introspective and whimsical at the same time. Lines like "I belong to no one" make me feel free and independent, while ones like "Needle in the hay/ Lost but in my place" remind me that in the grand scheme of things, I'm just a needle in the hay that is humanity, just a tiny speck. This sounds pessimistic and belittling, but it's actually kind of peaceful to think about humanity with that kind of metaphor. Sometimes, it feels like our problems are massive and earth-shattering, but they're actually just needles in the hay. 

Soundtrack: these songs!!