Back in my small hometown, I was known by two key aspects of my reputation: my love of music, and my goody-two-shoes tendencies. So I think that a lot of the people I went to high school with would be quite surprised by the news that two days ago, I got my first tattoo. They probably wouldn't have thought of me as the type of person to get one (not that you have to be a certain type of person to get tattoos, because stigmas are gross). But the past year has taught me the important lesson that I don't have to be any one type of person in particular. I'm tempted to say a certain acronym about only living once, but instead, I'm going to remind you that life is as fluid as the ink I was tattooed with. We shouldn't let ourselves get tied down by stereotypes, expectations, or reputations. Getting a tattoo was a way for me to honor this lesson and prove to myself that I had truly learned it. I did it for myself. Every time I look down at my wrist, I am reminded of how strong I am, of the courage I am capable of.
I used to say, "I love how cartilage piercings look, but my pain tolerance is too low to get one." I have one now. I used to say, "I love how tattoos look, but my pain tolerance is too low to get one." I now have one of those, too.
Even though these may seem like small feats to some people, they're huge steps for me. I've done things I thought I was never capable of doing, and that makes me so proud. And these pride marks on my body are permanent, so I'll never lose sight of them, or of the fact that I am capable of more than I think. The finality of the permanence might scare some people, but it actually comforts me. No matter where I am, emotionally or physically, I will be able to look down at the ink on my wrist and remember to be self-assured and proud of the woman I have become.
My tattoo is a combination of a semi-colon and a quarter note, a tribute to the words and music that have saved me from my darkest days. Pursuing writing and music have always been my dreams, so this reminds me to never lose sight of that. Semi-colon tattoos also have deeper meanings: as they allow a sentence that could have ended to continue, they represent a life that could have ended, but didn't. Though I have never gotten to the point of contemplating suicide, there was a brief, dark time in my younger life in which I self-harmed. I didn't have it nearly as bad as other kids did, but it left scars on my heart and questions in my mind: how could I do that to myself? Why wasn't I smarter than that? Why didn't I take out my emotions in more constructive ways? I was ashamed for awhile, brushing it off, sort of pretending it never happened. But now, I acknowledge it as just a small part of my story. It's over, I've learned from it, and I use that memory now to fuel positivity in my daily life. I appreciate the fact that I'm a living human being more than ever now, especially now that I'm living out my dreams by going to school in the city.
If you want a tattoo, get one. Life is insanely short, your body is a canvas, and you have the right to mark your pride on it with ink.
